Where would I be without you?

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮Every Moment-Bluntedbeatz♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮

Sometimes I want to desappear
I am drowing dear
Pain too deep

Where would I be without you?

Sometimes I want to smile
But my heart is heavy like a stone
I am in an in between zone

Too hard
Want to give up
 But you are here
Remembering you care

Where would I be without you?
I don't know 


Thanks to be here mom ILY <3

Poem to my american lil sis

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ All for you-Bluntedbeatz ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

I don't want to loose her
You too
She smile but I know she battle
I cried with her
My...so long time I didn't shed tears with someone

I don't know how you do
To see her come and go to hospital
Lil sis stay strong
She need us to smile and keep fighting

She sometimes say me you get bad time at work
I know it must be intence for you4
You have only one it is her
That raised you up and kept you warm
When you were in bed ill

She is your role model
She is your north
Your confident

It is not blood that create that
It is affection
The deep love a mother give
She wrap me with good words
She miss me as if I met her already
I met her by accident online
As I felt alone
You see my scares are in my head

She connected with me
Her affection has open my heart fully
I accepted to say what bother me

What I want to remember from her
It is her smile and faith
that one day we'll meet again
In a peaceful world free of illness

I don't know if I will do it before...

So please stay yourself
Tell her I love you each and everyday
Before it is too late


To J H-B hey you ...stay strong

Live traces here

Shadows-Bluntedbeatz

I need to live traces here
I need to tell you what I feel
I get overwhelmed by anything

Just stayed all the afternoon under cover
To bear the  unbearable
Nights past to dream bad dreams
Feelings up and downs that...
Yeah I feel dysfonctional some days
I feel so sad when all come back like that pain

I let some words go it is better than nothing
Let out what all is bothering me 

Some don't care
Others do
For those who do
I will go through
I promise you

Last one of September

C'est la mort-The civil wars

Words on pages

The last poem of September

The 30th

What should it say?

9th day of Fall

Nor several to reach winter

Nor years of writing

Each time September end

There are new projects and beginnings

Last poem must celebrate it

Isn't it?

Next morning

Maybe next morning
She'll dance under the leaves falling
Trying to push aside pain
Creating experiences
Writing her reality
Then gloomy days will decrease

Maybe next moring
She'll find a way out
She'll find a way to glow
She'll probably find happiness again

Next morning

A blow

Soft silent blow in the trees
A heart dye among the leaves
A trace
A poem to say goodbye

A blow
You haven't seen coming
A teardrop hidden under make up

A pen that write
A soul that is mindering itself
With the hope to extend

A blow
A blow
Far from all you expected

Maybe tomorrow

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯ South by Prince ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe something will happen and I will get my mood back.
Maybe tomorrow I will get new ideas. Maybe all will be solved without I will be aware of.
Maybe tomorrow all will be different and I won't feel useless anymore.

Maybe tomorrow I will get a smile on my face and get peaceful time too.
Maybe tomorrow some won't say anymore that I am depressed.
Maybe tomorrow I won't feel beeing a weight for anyone.

Maybe tomorrow will bring joy and happiness.

Creative mind

All full of worlds that you don't know when she is silent.

All full of colors and smells.

All made of experiences and feelings.

Is that worthless?

No it saved her so many times that she won't leave her creative mind.

W.P is what made her free giver free of sorrows.

Oh yeah don't misunderdtand her withdrawal no please don't!

Just ask her why!

Manifesto

I s... I don't care
I know I can go everywhere
Well, life give me nuts
I survive Hell to find Heaven
Well, maybe I'll do it at the best

You can juge me or criticize me
Well, do what you want
My life isn't yours dear
I know what is life and death
This in-between that break mind and bones
But Godmother came to me early
To give me my writing skills

I show you
My Values My Strength by opening doors to retain light
With words written to let black lines
To release what weigth my heart

(quite soory longtime no work here my apologies I personally have a lot of changes in my life but I promise you to release some of my work yeah because I prefer a notebook and a pen it is easier to transport ^^I am moving in an house for the 1st time of my life...new new :) )

Let's it Vribrate higher

 

Don't be ashame

What is a weakness

Can also be strength

Is that your sensitivity?

Is that your fighting style?

Let's it vibrate it higher

Don't care if some don't understand

Someone will catch its essence

Its power and nature with ease

Let's it vibrate higher 

So that you can touch tour meteors

3 mains A'

A like Writing 

A like Musique

A like Painting

Let's it vibrate higher

Dynamica

On baby
Don't believe all what said
Oh no
Specially what it is said about you

Go don't come back
Dynamica
Because life isn't that

Your life isn't what you don't do
It is just small steps on the way, your way
Good friends, sharing a bit empathy
It is good music, good vib' a pen and an envy

Go don't come back
Dynamica
Because life isn't that

And whatever the reactions
You create here and there
Give give again
Without to forget your Persona Creativa

Let your passion win
Let words on paper
Create in you a strong spirit
Don't care if some don't understand
It is not for them you live

It is for you

D
Y
N
I
M
I
C
A

Persona creativa

Sorry if I troubled you
If you read me to hear me
But I don't want to stop

There is a lot I wanna tell
To let you understand me
And to let you know
That my heart beat inside me
That my emotions make me better

I learn to tell what I hide
On paper but it ins't beeing a coward
It saved my life several times
That I believe in the power of the words
I know it is sometimes violent or hurtful

I am this Persona Creativa
This girl you know already

You don't sometimes sometimes see when I am bad
But here all is said
And when you read 
I show me 
It is assumed

I am this Persona Creativa
This girl you know already

Finally what do you know about me?
Maybe you believe this smile you see
But take care
Appearances are not all the time right
If you could read my heart
You can see light and darkness

I am this Persona Creativa
This girl you know already





 

Gamble and Win

 (I wrote this after seeing this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc )

Maybe I haven't enough gamble against life

One more time trying
It is risky to get deadly emotions
But let's roll the dice
Doing it one more time

Do I win?
Am I right?

It is the aim of Gambling to risk to loose
But you have tried to win

Happy the time when Gamble means winning

A drop

Emotions-Mattia Cupelli

A drop
One drop
In the ocean of tears

I am maybe selfish
I am maybe dreaming
I am maybe what you hate
But I fight like hell
To try to not going down

A drop
One drop
In the ocean of tears

I search my twin brother at every corner
I feel alone without him
But I usual I will do without him

A drop
One drop
In the ocean of tears

I smile
But inside some little things are brocken
I just try to wound
Maybe I don't need you
Or maybe I need you

To shed
A drop
One drop
The ocean of tears

I know some will be here
But you probably won't

A visit

Waves-Mattia Cupelli

I letted you near a tree
And yesterday I paid you a visit
I observe that this tree is dead
That worried me
But I remember the cowslips
That smelled the perfume of early Spring
With rain shower that monday afternoon

I just paid you a visit yesterday
As If you were in the paradize
Nearby the appel and peer trees

The life has suddenly changed
When you enter my world
When the breath of life I am
Discover you were not by my side all this time

I feel like a large wound
That is not healed yet
This emptiness deep inside
The search of someone to replace you

I letted you near a tree
When I will come back the years will be past
My wound will heal
I will be happy
I will be happy

ANYMORE-MESS UP-MY HEART

Lullaby II-Mattia Cupelli

I wish you were here
But you lost your way
You are not with me

A
N
Y
M
O
R
E

I am fool but I search your help and protection
And maybe be

M
E
S
S

U
P

With some of my friends because of you
I also sometimes feel calm as you were ever with me

You are in my heart
You are in my heart till then
I just try to heal
But only writing help
To give you your right place
In a warm place called

M
Y

H
E
A
R
T

Prince song

 Take me with you-Prince and The Revolution to Purple Rain movie 1985

If I could have write it
If I could have meet you yet

Where when how?
I don't know

I just want you now
I am sure you are not far

Who are you?

I don't know

I can hear this song during hours
And say why is that not happening?

Don't give up

Don't give up they said
Are they in my mind to understand?

I feel till a longtime a useless person
I feel hard to hear I want to be happy
As if I don't myself
(So let me down
Let me down who cares now?)

I try to hang on
Till when?

I don't care about My future because It is blurry
I don't want to make that much of plans
To feel that all will be good as trash

I try to hold my mind in small things
But I also guess in what ways that helped me?
I guess my heart is so heavy
That none of them want to be with me and help

I need warmth and delicacy
But they are far from me
I am sure you don't realize
But I don't care
I cannot forgive you now

But maybe later it will be too late
It will be too late !

Not in the norm

I don't really of not beeing on the norm
Imposed by a society which explode
I am not abnormal
Only not going in the same way as others

I try to create a new world
I try to be part of an unseen world

It is true I have no job
No salary I live nor by my parents like a tanguy
But what can I do against this world
Becoming one these extremists that take stone against the police?

No only staying in my bed
Trying to live and ease the pain
To not have place anywhere
To feel very often useless
To feel weak and nevertheless
Keep a smile on my face 

Beginning of a routinous day

I am nor in the clouds of the dreams
I woke up too early
I feared to not wake up at 8am
I just try to occupy myself

I hear radio
Took my first coffee
Then pick up my computer

What?
Is that not the sign of a routinous day?

Maybe or not
Wake up to early can be deadly
To the cloud's dreamer

Do you know

Hey
Do you know
Sais tu?
All what I have done
All what I have made
All what I have realized
Till now

Do you know

I am sure you don't
I am not sure you realize
That my warrior temper saved my life
That my strong temper was here to help me
That is why I write and create
You can't imagine the black storms that I lived

Do you know

When my heart was heavy
Only a paper and a pen saved me

Do you know

Me by heart
So that you are not afraid to be with me anymore
What do you expect from me?
I just hope to forgive and to be forgiven
Is it that much to ask?

Eyes of a survivor

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯  Middle East-Deep Water ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

What I see is what you could have seen
But I stay alone
Without you

I could use many words to say
What I see and live to you

I want to travel 1000 times in plane
I want to visit each beaches of the world
I want to love and be loved
I want to enjoy life deeper than I did before
Only because I live for two

What I see is what you could have seen
But I stay alone
Without you

I could use many words to say
What I see and live to you
Knowing that you won't read them
But I don't care
I prefer telling expressing what my heart feel
To heal my wounds

To my twin brother Hugo

Dream of blue seaside

Cockle Beach, Tasmania, Australia

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯Sonder Saloon, Roads ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

I wander from beaches to beaches

I wander because life is empty

But I dream of blue seaside

I am just in my bed taking a rest after my breakfast

I dream 

But it is not sufficient

O how I miss the freedom of travelling

Why couldn't I just see this beach?

Take a flight far from here

I wander from beaches to beaches

I wander eyes shut 

It is not real 

But it is better than facing reality

Come to Miami Beach

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯ OVERWERK-Create♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

Do you need to stay?

Do you need to struggle?

Just shut your eyes and go there

Where the life will be different 

Let it fly

Don't forget to smile

Eachtime that ache

Remember life and celebrate it

Let it fly

When your mind guess why

Under a steal mask fight

Let it fly

When your mind don't want

Strive to say I will

And come to Miami Beach

In your hands

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬Passenger-caravan♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

In your hands you have you futur
In your hands you have words' flow

In your head run slowly dreams
In your head are the will to be free of sadness

You fight against everything or everyone on your way
That don't bring you balance

You smile even your heart ache like a fool
You know that people won't hear you

You will bewhat you want
If you know that In your hands
There is Gold

Dreaming

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬Autograph-slow burn ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

I dream to be on a beach

Around a fire 

In the morning taking sun

Let all go for just one minute of happiness

Hearing the wind and the waves 

Knowing the flux and reflux of the sea

Seeing a sunrise each morning

Dreaming 

Dreaming

Waiting better when?

 When your life seems to be a heap of ruins

I just dream

To support silently the time that flies

And the no-solutions answers

Night troubles

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬petit biscuit-night trouble ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

You said me to not worry about anything but how could I do that now?

My heart stay in a corridor no way to move

No way to project the future

I am trapped in the darkness I am trapped in the vortex of sadness

Maybe will come soon or later the madness

I try to enjoy writing painting expressing 

But I search the meaning of all mechanical things I do 

In the night troubles come

And I didn't find sleep

I try till 3 am this morning

Tell me how to do when you ask yourself why to fight 

You just wait and what

You just try to stay on the edge not falling

That can be harder than you think

I try to smile saying anything

And then the second after tears come 

Nothing can help me more

Than a hug or a shoulder of a good friend

After a bad night

 

Blurry look

I beg you to tell me
How to find sight again?
I am lost and tired
You are neaby me since a moment now
Tell me why I got a blurry look on my life

Some say it is because I don't focus on the positive side
Some others say that I am depressed

Tell me how with all this could I construct something
Without a back up
You were the only one to say I will be here for you
You comfort me when I felt sad that I  count no more

I try to be someone with a clear side
I try to realize what my heart wish

I only understand how some misunderstand me
I really prefer to go in my bubble
What would you do to restore yourself?


That is why each time I feel low
I let my words flow
On lines
And maybe you are one who can understand
Under them there are each tears that was poured down alone

to Marie.T 

It is nothing

I want to hug you
Telling you I love you
Nevermind you are nearby
I don't care what people say

I want to hug you
Reading smiling with you
On a beach on a train on a plane

On the otherside of the planet
Australia India Cambodgia

My mind wander
My eyes are shut
What is wrong with me today?

It is nothing just a small break
It is nothing just a small break

I dream to travel
I dream to smile and feel good
To archieve my dreams with you
I will dare to say I love you

I am in the land of all possible
It is nothing but just a safe small break

In a down

In a down
What is wrong?
Only time that is needed to recover
To slow to slow for your hunger

In a down
What is wrong?
It is you when you consider me that ill
When I struggle to see the light coming in my life

In a down
What is wrong?
It is important to smile
To think positive
I just want actions that don't come

In a down
What is wrong?
This is probably the way you see me
I am fighting and you don't see anything
I have left many dreams behind me
Did you notice it?

Did you notice it?

Pleasure to write

Pleasure
To put words in sentences
To feel a pulsation in your heart
That fly to the pages

Pleasure
To create worlds and characters
To realize how much time the words have power

Pleasure
To see the action take place in your head
Before writting it

Pleasure
To share things with your future reader
To really smile while writing

Pleasure
To be somewhere else
Than in reality for a few second
Beeing in a world unseen
And let all go

Golden Mirror: discovery

I discovered that I really search you
In all I do
Dear twin brother
Even Love was teint of you

I don't know why
Now
I see this differently
Maybe because of you

I care about your memory
Even you wasn't born with me

I discovered you
And my horizon became clearer

I am able to be without you
Without missing any drop of life
Without missing other people

I will be strong and worthy
To you

I know people misunderstand me
But I cannot blame them all the time
Because what I feel is hard sometimes

You could have been the only one
That let the sun shine in my heart
You could have consoled me so much time
But I have found in others what you might be

I discover that letting go a burden
Can brighten a second a minutes an hour or days

I have discovered you
And I feel much better now

I know what life is

I know what life is
Hard and pressured

I know what life is
Picky and Juicy
But I know how to fight

Life isn't a bed of roses
Life isn't all the time sweetness
But I ever was lioness

I know what life is
Not all the time what you want

I know what life is
Not all the time pleasing

I have left behind me
A bit hope and have a lot to rebuild
I don't have time to misunderstanding
I have time to forgive

In the midst of hard days
I realize that standing alone is the best I can have

Bye Bye

 “If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Byebye
Baby
I just leave my door open

Byebye
Dear
Do as you want
I don't care anymore about your behavior
Nevertheless my door is open

I let you choose what you want
Every time you have the door open

I won't beg you to forgive me
I know I have protect you
I don't care about all the rest
I felt rejected but that don't mean
I don't love you anymore

But you choose to go
It is a choice
It is your choice

Byebye
Baby
It won't be forever
It won't be forever

It is hard to grieve

A dagger in the hand
Motions of heart
Feeling to fly and to flee

Nothing but some echoes somewhere else

I don't care about it
Do I?

I want to be far from all this
I have to grieve someone that is never born
But that I uncounsciently brought back to life

I called him in the midst of the night
In the corridor I was lost
My Golden mirror wasn't at his place
Now by chance He is in my heart
To let me heal

Thought to the one who is not by my side

http://www.oriahsinvitation.blogspot.fr/

I want to live even without you
I want to travel to never forget that life is a miracle

I want to archieve my foolish dreams
I want to fight like a warrior
Because you are not with me right now

All come and goes
Secrets unknown are released in the light
You were one of mine

I ever search you in the midst of my dreams
I ever wanted to be strong
But in fact I were weak of beeing without you

I discover you last friday per chance
Since then I understand why I don't like"Mirror" people
I realized I protect savagely some friends of mine
I felt too deeply without knowing the reason
Why did I choose things in that way not another?
I choose unconsciently because of you

All has a purpose
All has a goal
My life is to lived intensely
To you who ceseased to be


To my twin Hugo Miss you deeply "my golden mirror"


 

 

An old deceased one

I want to introduce someone if I can call him like this. Hugo is supposed to be my twin brother (and my womb twin) :'( but I am alone right now. Why could you tell me?

When I were just a small and tiny cell I was with another cell my twin brother Hugo.

 I didn't know his existance till last friday and a seance with one of my therapist friend which made Bach Flowers. Since a long time I felt so alone depressed in the search of someone indeed. I am the survivor in the "couple"...I am at an age where all people want to be in couple make their life get children and life goes on. Mine didn't take this path. I ever runned after my twin brother. He was probably not strong enough to survive with me. Now I am in search of him by having "special" male friends. I mean I don't have so much male friends but indeed skilled one. I have called him Hugo without hesitation and that means intelligent. I want to remember this tiny cell as intelligent.

I have to mourn my brother Hugo. But I have first to prepare things...I have made this to let a trace it is in my mother tongue french. It is like an ID card to symbolize his person to help me to recover.
I have also use the celtic trisquel symbole (as my familly got root in Bretagne 'small britain' to symbolize the relations that I could have with my brothers (indeed I have a "small" younger brother)

I am on my way to heal I am really on my way to be better

Extract your own self

Writing to heal =>the way to see writing in a different way

How many times did you thought your writing wasn't the best way to solve matters.
It solve some indeed.
You are fighting pushing aside these emotions strenghten your own will to do things aright.
You spend time because you let you safe like this.

You want to do things and you will you feel stronger when all is written
Explored read acknowledge by others.
By the way you don't care about what they said.

You are a solace the furnace of that self
That stay far from all what they saw.
When they saw it they were afraid.
You felt unsecure and wrote furiously to let this anger.

You wanted to say them I was ever so
But you couldn't have seen this as I am afraid of myself to tell you my truth.

I am who I am I can't erase all what I am
And I assume that you said me in despair.

Then you add: I will show them that I am strong
I survive death once I can do it several time now
I am ready.

You have got to tell them even if they can't understand
You extract your own self and their understanding will be so different
After all your strenght let you be with them
And your proudness will let them know how they were wrong.

Far from you

Far from you
But near at the same time
You hope I can recover
I know my dear
How you feel sorry to not help me
But you really can't
I know it is hard to see a friend drifted

I am like a boat that fight against the waves
I try to keep my head up
But you know yourself the way can be long
Pardon me if I prefer to be far from you

You said to me that I need support
But I know none is able to do so

I have to tell them
But how?

I realize that my mask hide who I am really
I realize that I am a double person

Maybe that is why at that moment
I hide

To my dearest friend P.J
 

What will come after?

Not in mood to tell
Not easy to say
When angriness is inside you

You want to let it go
But it is back with more power each day

You feel it is unfair
You feel it is harder than before

You cry alone
You smile in a crowd

Your heart is split in two
Your mind support it too

You want to let go
And at the same time you feel empty

What will come after ?
What will come after?

Thoughts

Brocken Glass -SIA

Pages and Pages

Never can replace a good friend nearby

Pages and Pages  

Can't soften totally a brocken heart

No words No deeds

Could replace prayers 

No shedded tears had more importance

To these which lead to optimistic way

The life can be picky 

But you are the soldier 

The owner of your own destiny

 

Piece of choice 10

To our lost soul
That cannot breath
To all friends and familly

Death isn't a myth
But a reality we wish hardly
To get as when lost in a forest and we don't find our way back
Surch a lovely pleasure in the midst of clarity
All things said has no more power
They are spread like bubles in the wind
Like flowers petals in the breeze

O how I wish some can understand
My banners and my weapons
Against my wandering soul

How I wish to spent time to do it well
Till my last breath I won't cease

Piece of choice 9

Let my eyes beeing shut
Only for a few minutes
Let me feel the wind on my face
Let me feel sun warming me

Let my eyes beeing shut
To forget everything

Tell my fears to go away
Tell my heart to feel warm and comfortable

Remember me to smile and beeing patient

My heart cries inside but my mask is ready
Darkness invade all my innermost
But none will know it

I am ashamed eachtime it is coming back
But I am not able to say it aloud

Piece of choice 8

You said power is to the braves
But sometimes the braves feel tired
Till their skeleton they fought
And their eyes are no more shining

O my dear
You know I wish to get better
But I also want to give up
I am not able to do as before
I just want to surrender
To the sun of my English Garden

O how I wish to feel differently
How my heart ache saying those things
But now I am a lady no more this 16 years old child
Only my feelings remain the sqme
Why saying thqt relentless pain?
Why should I tell this?

Maybe only to stay alive and breathing

Piece of choice 7

The lake of the innocence
Darken in cloud of numbness

The way of the road
Full of despair and anxieties
My cold hands search my pockets
As I forget my gloves
The trees letted go their leaves
Life has up and down
But staying alive is essential
Against the dark clouds of my thoughts
But my life seems to be running as a machine
Letting the despair come and go

O how I miss my old self and life
When I could be innocent and young
Happy and movable 
Having a craving for travel and languages

My old self is dead
Where is the new one?

Piece of choice 6

Tell me why I feel so much. Tell me why I should live among people who don't care.

I am scared to make foolish things as I often say. I should have let go at that time even I wanted to live furiously.

I was young and got so much to do. I want abroad talked languages eat foreign recepes got new friends.

O how I am stupid to want to let go all that things I love.

Piece of choice 5

I cannot stop to write
I cannot stop this catharsis
This is like a breath
A deep breath

I cannot forget
I cannot miss to express
I cannot tell
It is so intense

I cannot tell you
What's running in my head
I cannot think
Without telling

But sometimes it's harsh
It is so deep and cutting
Full of intensity

Piece of choice 4: When the dark extend

When the dar extend its light outside
The sound of heartbits and lives rythm in silence
Wherever and whatever you live
Remember that like is the most important thing you posess

Smile dream write take a coffee
And most of all live with courage

When the dark extend its light outside
Give yourself light to warm others
Not forgetting what happeneed but following your way
Despite stupidity of some individuals

When the darl extend its light outside
Remind yourself to shine

Piece of choice 3: Dark lines

I send some dark lines on paper and let them flow. Someone will catch them and interpret them.

I have been misjudge unhappy and I was safe to put them on paper.

I know how the light can filter through a curtain how life can suddendly be different in one blink.

They are my medecines they are my object to express desires black hard cutting like a sharp knives.

A the same time that saved me a hundred time that is why I say I am gifted.

Piece of choice 2 : In the flow

I were walking in the streets. People have no idea how I could feel when I am surrounded by people.
One time I wrote about this feeling to be alone in a crowd. This is a feeling of hopelessness.

But It can be also like a human tsunami that bring you the feeling of beeing Human.

Paradox!

In that case I try to be in the flow riding life with people with a feeling of freedom and the sensation to be alive.

In the flow to stay alive.

Piece of choice 1

Take me home-Pentatonix

I dream to have moments of peace some farway
The rythm of this life is dead inside me
The time kill my will
This is an endless turmoil
How is it hard to hang on
Only those who know can understand

My life incomplete has no purpose
Without Pen and Paper

I am safe as a looner
I can resouce every cells of my body
By putting words on lines
To open up my mind to new dream

Even the time is bad
I try to hanf on

Old demons

People just see what you give them to see
But they don't imagine what happened to you

You have to explain your old demons too
Those you wanted to ignore
But who are back to let you support
All that the life bring you

You sometimes thought of death
Without saying it
Because all could be afraid to what can happen next
Nor now you retain to express
Your deep sorrows and pains

People didn't understand
The depth you get
Eachtime it is the same things
You feel that you are not accuratly made for this world

Hopefully you have good friends
And you realize that they are afraid
But they care
You feel a bit guilty and at the same time that reassure you
It is maybe just a struggle or a bad time

Do they have to care like that?
Do they understand your old demons inside?
That is what you think when they told you things
Like I feel helpless I don't know to help you

Sometimes you prefer retired
Just for a while
People think you will surfer in silence
But you don't want to break them
With your old demons hidding inside

Strong head

I just think about

I just don't care
I am strong enough to bear that

I imagine all possibles
Even in the dark
I want to fight for
What I find good to me

 I won't let go my luck
I won't spend time for worthless things

I just thought that my power reside in my heart
And my strenght within my deepest soul
I feel the life is worth riding
Even we take walls
If we have to move mountains

I am a strong head person
Sometimes I needed rest
Sometimes I needed time to recenter myself
To get smooth experiences instead of harshness

I am strong enough
I will conquer my own destiny
I will loose my sad coat
As light come higher in the sky
My motivation is back
Even my confidence is not good enough
I want to try it another way

To a very young lady

I read your letter
I was crying
I am in surch a bad emtional state
I want sometimes someone by my side

I understand you
I just want to hug you
To be with you

I want to take a place in a plane or a train
To join you to care about you
I have no right to say to you what to do
I am not an example to you

I assume my former experiences
I never wanted to see you sad

I am quite happy you try to proceed to forget him
And at the same time I understand you deep pain

I just want you to not remember my story anymore
I just also want to forget him completely and definetly

I realize how things get in a better way to me
I take distance with some little things of my past
Maybe you will understand that later

Just remember to be strong and happy
Dear very young lady!

To you

Dear sweet heart,

(you will recognize yourself)

I miss you like a fool and now I saw your distress I am a bit afraid because I am far from you
and I also live nor now a nightmare.

You know when we talk about self-confidence or assurance concerning some people you have bad reactions. I got and will get my own I just take more distance with that past events. I knew that was a crush nothing else. Surely I won't find that man...I prepare to stay alone you know.

I am sure you just get half a way the same heartache as me. Now I recognize I am better alone. I am just on the way like my grand ma who married around 30 of age. I got tears when I read you first because you miss me but also because you need me. I understand you my dear and want to hug you. I cannot afford a ticket to germany but believe me I miss that country I miss you.

Actually I found me like a real speck of dust and feel that depression come harder and faster than before. I am not sure what to do concerning Job and so on. That made me mad to know you in pain so far from me...God how I understand you and at the same time I trust you. You will past that with sucess as I did. Remember only to stay strong and enduring to me. Love is a physical and psychical matter. You will go through...I thought that was sold out but no that wasn't and I hope you will do as you can to handel it. Remember to not hate him for that it is his choice not yours. I hope to never met them for my part as I could hardly cry after that. (I do thank God that I am 'english' now I miss them the other time and felt quite released). We have to ahead thinking we deserve someone else. Never loose hope ok?

We don't really heal completely of an heartache but We can go ahead even it is not easy. Believe me it is the best way to handel it.

So my dear sweet friend...I am with you so far but near your heart. I understand you my dear and I will pray that you can handel it without my presence.

Be a stronghead.

I love you

your A.

ps: you deserve someone who can be like my brother and you will find him soon or later.