Come

Come
Come my love
I am weak
I am feeling bad
I need your arms

Come my love
Come
I wanna feel smooth care
I am a sad person
I lead fight against myself through words

Come
Come my love
I am ready to welcome you
In my life

the light shine

The light shine
I didn't remember that was good
The light shine
The way you go
But to me I didn't remember how to live

The light shine
While fall rising
My mind wander but I smile

The light shine
As I find a purpose to live

Finally !!!

I got a smile
I got good day

I got a surprise yesterday
I saw a friend that longtime I met
I got an appointment to a job

That was a lighting day
A good day
As I didn't remember when I have got some

I have to thank God...

Music can heal pains

I have the chance to know someone who is an artist. He is a concertist and play piano my favorite instrument. I met him after a religious meeting as we share the same believes.

I have to translate him a letter to his German friend and I have wrote him a letter. I don't love to write about my pains and ache. I just said to him that in the past I loved to sing and to hear piano or violin sounds.  It is probably because strings let me thrill and feel deep things. I just ask him for help...I hope he will have a little time to share with me piano plays. Maybe he will do something almost to let me feel better. I also said to him that I get troubles battling against anxiety and depression. I hide to much things to my friends...I have to trust them to tells I don't be that I am really.

The only thing is that he is a busy man ...I just hope he will almost say me OK I understand!

For my part I think that art in general can heal a lot of things...even the deepest one. Music can help to take away panic attack, painting make me feel very quite and writing make my mind clear of bad thoughts!

So I state that Music can heal pains!

Just a dream

I saw you at a stopbus
You were like a skating boy
Cap of New York on your head

I jut looked at you
And said what a blast
Your bleu eyes Brown hair
Tall and with kind of muscles

You smiled at me
I blushed a little

Then my hour stop all
Time to wake up
You were jut a dream

Waking up early in the morning

Waking up early...
My body hurt
It is due to overstress

My eyes shut
I imagine some foreign countries
I imagine smells and cooking
I imagine some friends

Wake up early in the morning
And try to motivate myself to be in good mood

Hard when all wasnt gone the good way

 Walking
Seeing people
I just wanna feel alive
I try to not destroy me
With bad emotions and thoughts

Hard when all wasnt gone the good way

I don't count
How many tears fallen down
Thinking of things I left behind
But I try to construct new

I know I will going through
No experiences are really bad
I just fear things
But as a lion in a savanna
My heart roar
I yearn after new projects
I will step back
To forget everything that make me cey

Under my feets

Under my feets
There are plenty unspoken things
Some uncouncious matters to solve

Under my feets
I get some words to express
What so called depression
 Under my feet's
There is a will
To be better to smile

panick attack

My breath shorten
My mind disconnected of my body

What happen to me?

I felt like some others day
Bad but...I live with

I try to keep my mind in order
Just some minutes to take away
This panick attack
By hearing music
I wanna cry
It is sometimes too much
I just want to stop this

I am very tired
Fighting but what to do instead

I let him go
And I feel alone
He don't catch it at all

I hope it will end soon or later
To take a normal breath
To smile

No shame to be depressed

Today I feel very upset...my doctor don't think I make a real depression. She said it was only a fact of body which don't tolerate gluten. I reacted strongly...and said okay then it last  at least 8 months...why don't she tell me that earlier.
I was sad and angry...this time I wanna fight and the only professional I trust...let me down.

I realized a few days before that was real depression...saying this...all said not really...getting the best treatment isn't easy. I also feel that in my mind many issues from the past cross into like things that wasn't solve. But people who lived things in my family are dead. I am not ashame I wanna be better I wanna go through...to make my life. My family get also changes and I put all my forces in the battle to go ahead as well all my family members. I failed...I wanna make the process differently...

I am deliberately smiling and saying all okay...even some of my close friend don't know...what I really feel inside me. Only some can understand and I am thankful that I met and trust this wonderful people.

I read that some people get the same symptoms as me...I was pretty ennoyed at the beginning...but I assume it now. I am convinced I can win...the time to adjust will be very long...I know I can't help myself alone. It isn't the best time as I just go to the labor agency...as I am jobless.

But I also put that in God's hands. The almighty will help me as he did by the past...somehow I just get a bad time in my life...

I also look out the resilience word and find very interesting that writting is a very good things to do to recover slowly and to become more resilient!! As its part of my hobby I will follow this. I have almost 3 works in process and this blog... Believe me or not ...I will finish all! Just a matter of time!

So time to breath and solve the matter as I can.

I just say "no shame to be depressed" because we can go through!


Small thoughts to C.ML and to S.M who help me as I try to get it step by step!

State of mind...

How is that possible to be so upset ?
How is that possible tears come each day on a face?
How could this happen?
How people perceive this person?

Maybe because this person let go
Maybe because he is tired to battle since a long time

It is causing him to be very anxious ans sad
While others make their life better than he did

His body say hey I am here I suffer too much help
His mind say I don't know what to do
His heart say I can't help anymore

His friends say I am here to help you
His writting tell let go

Depression say let see if you'll win

A message in a bottle

Sadness my dear
You can't imagine
How it is hard to deal with
I hope you won't know this

You'll go making your life and I respect your choice
But I wanted you by side by a stormy weather

Maybe later you will understand
Maybe now it isn't time

I love you
Even I am in pain
I will miss you
And I won't tell you
I don't want to disturb you

Sadness my dear
Isn't to those who are confident
It is for those who fear
As I see you are not fearing
I find that good
Because you are young
And the life has to be lived fully at your age

Maybe I lost all my innocence
Maybe I have done my life

But as your old sister
I write this and put it in a bottle
And throw it in the river




To my brother

How to end this ?

I just guess myself
While i feel emptiness
How will this ended

I feel I have too work on it
But its like a mountain

I just wanna cry and yield
Why me why now

I have to find resilience
In myself and alone

My creative mind will save me
I fight but is that the best way to do
To overcome things I live

I am so troubling that sometimes
Cries and tears sorround me
I am resignated...
I don't have choices
But I just wanna know how to ended it