Piece of choice 10

To our lost soul
That cannot breath
To all friends and familly

Death isn't a myth
But a reality we wish hardly
To get as when lost in a forest and we don't find our way back
Surch a lovely pleasure in the midst of clarity
All things said has no more power
They are spread like bubles in the wind
Like flowers petals in the breeze

O how I wish some can understand
My banners and my weapons
Against my wandering soul

How I wish to spent time to do it well
Till my last breath I won't cease

Piece of choice 9

Let my eyes beeing shut
Only for a few minutes
Let me feel the wind on my face
Let me feel sun warming me

Let my eyes beeing shut
To forget everything

Tell my fears to go away
Tell my heart to feel warm and comfortable

Remember me to smile and beeing patient

My heart cries inside but my mask is ready
Darkness invade all my innermost
But none will know it

I am ashamed eachtime it is coming back
But I am not able to say it aloud

Piece of choice 8

You said power is to the braves
But sometimes the braves feel tired
Till their skeleton they fought
And their eyes are no more shining

O my dear
You know I wish to get better
But I also want to give up
I am not able to do as before
I just want to surrender
To the sun of my English Garden

O how I wish to feel differently
How my heart ache saying those things
But now I am a lady no more this 16 years old child
Only my feelings remain the sqme
Why saying thqt relentless pain?
Why should I tell this?

Maybe only to stay alive and breathing

Piece of choice 7

The lake of the innocence
Darken in cloud of numbness

The way of the road
Full of despair and anxieties
My cold hands search my pockets
As I forget my gloves
The trees letted go their leaves
Life has up and down
But staying alive is essential
Against the dark clouds of my thoughts
But my life seems to be running as a machine
Letting the despair come and go

O how I miss my old self and life
When I could be innocent and young
Happy and movable 
Having a craving for travel and languages

My old self is dead
Where is the new one?

Piece of choice 6

Tell me why I feel so much. Tell me why I should live among people who don't care.

I am scared to make foolish things as I often say. I should have let go at that time even I wanted to live furiously.

I was young and got so much to do. I want abroad talked languages eat foreign recepes got new friends.

O how I am stupid to want to let go all that things I love.

Piece of choice 5

I cannot stop to write
I cannot stop this catharsis
This is like a breath
A deep breath

I cannot forget
I cannot miss to express
I cannot tell
It is so intense

I cannot tell you
What's running in my head
I cannot think
Without telling

But sometimes it's harsh
It is so deep and cutting
Full of intensity

Piece of choice 4: When the dark extend

When the dar extend its light outside
The sound of heartbits and lives rythm in silence
Wherever and whatever you live
Remember that like is the most important thing you posess

Smile dream write take a coffee
And most of all live with courage

When the dark extend its light outside
Give yourself light to warm others
Not forgetting what happeneed but following your way
Despite stupidity of some individuals

When the darl extend its light outside
Remind yourself to shine

Piece of choice 3: Dark lines

I send some dark lines on paper and let them flow. Someone will catch them and interpret them.

I have been misjudge unhappy and I was safe to put them on paper.

I know how the light can filter through a curtain how life can suddendly be different in one blink.

They are my medecines they are my object to express desires black hard cutting like a sharp knives.

A the same time that saved me a hundred time that is why I say I am gifted.

Piece of choice 2 : In the flow

I were walking in the streets. People have no idea how I could feel when I am surrounded by people.
One time I wrote about this feeling to be alone in a crowd. This is a feeling of hopelessness.

But It can be also like a human tsunami that bring you the feeling of beeing Human.

Paradox!

In that case I try to be in the flow riding life with people with a feeling of freedom and the sensation to be alive.

In the flow to stay alive.

Piece of choice 1

Take me home-Pentatonix

I dream to have moments of peace some farway
The rythm of this life is dead inside me
The time kill my will
This is an endless turmoil
How is it hard to hang on
Only those who know can understand

My life incomplete has no purpose
Without Pen and Paper

I am safe as a looner
I can resouce every cells of my body
By putting words on lines
To open up my mind to new dream

Even the time is bad
I try to hanf on

Old demons

People just see what you give them to see
But they don't imagine what happened to you

You have to explain your old demons too
Those you wanted to ignore
But who are back to let you support
All that the life bring you

You sometimes thought of death
Without saying it
Because all could be afraid to what can happen next
Nor now you retain to express
Your deep sorrows and pains

People didn't understand
The depth you get
Eachtime it is the same things
You feel that you are not accuratly made for this world

Hopefully you have good friends
And you realize that they are afraid
But they care
You feel a bit guilty and at the same time that reassure you
It is maybe just a struggle or a bad time

Do they have to care like that?
Do they understand your old demons inside?
That is what you think when they told you things
Like I feel helpless I don't know to help you

Sometimes you prefer retired
Just for a while
People think you will surfer in silence
But you don't want to break them
With your old demons hidding inside

Strong head

I just think about

I just don't care
I am strong enough to bear that

I imagine all possibles
Even in the dark
I want to fight for
What I find good to me

 I won't let go my luck
I won't spend time for worthless things

I just thought that my power reside in my heart
And my strenght within my deepest soul
I feel the life is worth riding
Even we take walls
If we have to move mountains

I am a strong head person
Sometimes I needed rest
Sometimes I needed time to recenter myself
To get smooth experiences instead of harshness

I am strong enough
I will conquer my own destiny
I will loose my sad coat
As light come higher in the sky
My motivation is back
Even my confidence is not good enough
I want to try it another way

To a very young lady

I read your letter
I was crying
I am in surch a bad emtional state
I want sometimes someone by my side

I understand you
I just want to hug you
To be with you

I want to take a place in a plane or a train
To join you to care about you
I have no right to say to you what to do
I am not an example to you

I assume my former experiences
I never wanted to see you sad

I am quite happy you try to proceed to forget him
And at the same time I understand you deep pain

I just want you to not remember my story anymore
I just also want to forget him completely and definetly

I realize how things get in a better way to me
I take distance with some little things of my past
Maybe you will understand that later

Just remember to be strong and happy
Dear very young lady!

To you

Dear sweet heart,

(you will recognize yourself)

I miss you like a fool and now I saw your distress I am a bit afraid because I am far from you
and I also live nor now a nightmare.

You know when we talk about self-confidence or assurance concerning some people you have bad reactions. I got and will get my own I just take more distance with that past events. I knew that was a crush nothing else. Surely I won't find that man...I prepare to stay alone you know.

I am sure you just get half a way the same heartache as me. Now I recognize I am better alone. I am just on the way like my grand ma who married around 30 of age. I got tears when I read you first because you miss me but also because you need me. I understand you my dear and want to hug you. I cannot afford a ticket to germany but believe me I miss that country I miss you.

Actually I found me like a real speck of dust and feel that depression come harder and faster than before. I am not sure what to do concerning Job and so on. That made me mad to know you in pain so far from me...God how I understand you and at the same time I trust you. You will past that with sucess as I did. Remember only to stay strong and enduring to me. Love is a physical and psychical matter. You will go through...I thought that was sold out but no that wasn't and I hope you will do as you can to handel it. Remember to not hate him for that it is his choice not yours. I hope to never met them for my part as I could hardly cry after that. (I do thank God that I am 'english' now I miss them the other time and felt quite released). We have to ahead thinking we deserve someone else. Never loose hope ok?

We don't really heal completely of an heartache but We can go ahead even it is not easy. Believe me it is the best way to handel it.

So my dear sweet friend...I am with you so far but near your heart. I understand you my dear and I will pray that you can handel it without my presence.

Be a stronghead.

I love you

your A.

ps: you deserve someone who can be like my brother and you will find him soon or later.