I were by a friend in a small cottage enjoying a trip as I was deeply depressed. My friend argued I needed the fresh air on the countryside instead the one of London. I didn't reprove his words.
That was on that wet morning where the dew took place in the fields and where the autumn light was fabulous that I have this talk with him. That wasn't a bad talk only a heart to heart conversation of two very good friends. I was surprised he began this talk as he isn't talkative.
-You have to move ...
-What for? This rocking chair is the most comfortable things I have had to dream.
-Please consider you are....
-You are what...ill depression is a normal response to not normal situations you know what I really think already. You think like the other then already in London all try to give an hand and felt by having surch commentary to me. (I were walking as I stand up angry) You think I have not enough ressource and enough power...oh god...you are not supposed to be like others...no you are indeed. What mess you are the only one I can trust. I tried to fix things on but failed what alternatives did I get since then?
-None. I am sorry.
-You are like normal lad...I have to realise none can do things for me...I am really tired....and I think about unbearable things....you can't hear it right if only death can bring me down....no fears no anger again. I guess if I count to people...yeas or no?
-To me you count
-Yeas I can imagine the world so devasted by my loss but I suffer too much only things are bitterness and pain I feel definetly sad the anxiousness eat me slowly....step by step...
(I opened the window that let me go directly in the garden where a small table and two chairs where lying)
You know if I can tell you all the truth you cannot bear it. I guess how to tell people about that...only my pain remain harder than when I were by me in London. My tabacco is missing me as well as my librairy...I forget my notebook...to write things down. I need comfort...love and happiness. Is that too much?
-To the notebook I can do something to your comfort I will do my best to the rest dear I can't be useful. I just see you destroy yourself with a kind a shameful feeling and helplessness.
-I just wish to desapear for a moment. I got too much strong feelings that I can't explain easily. Contemplating death wasn't a so good thing.
-I have good wine from France and this noon we will make good cheers...don't worry too much my dear fellow maybe you'll find you own strength again. Let me take care of you.
He didn't realise I was earnest. I took a good walk in the wood before our lunch. Its duration was around one hour but that didn't distract me of my depressed thoughts. I wished something happened to me as this instant. But the calm of the forest remain till I was back to the cottage I felt so dizzy and numb in a weird in between.
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