It is hard to grieve

A dagger in the hand
Motions of heart
Feeling to fly and to flee

Nothing but some echoes somewhere else

I don't care about it
Do I?

I want to be far from all this
I have to grieve someone that is never born
But that I uncounsciently brought back to life

I called him in the midst of the night
In the corridor I was lost
My Golden mirror wasn't at his place
Now by chance He is in my heart
To let me heal

Thought to the one who is not by my side

http://www.oriahsinvitation.blogspot.fr/

I want to live even without you
I want to travel to never forget that life is a miracle

I want to archieve my foolish dreams
I want to fight like a warrior
Because you are not with me right now

All come and goes
Secrets unknown are released in the light
You were one of mine

I ever search you in the midst of my dreams
I ever wanted to be strong
But in fact I were weak of beeing without you

I discover you last friday per chance
Since then I understand why I don't like"Mirror" people
I realized I protect savagely some friends of mine
I felt too deeply without knowing the reason
Why did I choose things in that way not another?
I choose unconsciently because of you

All has a purpose
All has a goal
My life is to lived intensely
To you who ceseased to be


To my twin Hugo Miss you deeply "my golden mirror"


 

 

An old deceased one

I want to introduce someone if I can call him like this. Hugo is supposed to be my twin brother (and my womb twin) :'( but I am alone right now. Why could you tell me?

When I were just a small and tiny cell I was with another cell my twin brother Hugo.

 I didn't know his existance till last friday and a seance with one of my therapist friend which made Bach Flowers. Since a long time I felt so alone depressed in the search of someone indeed. I am the survivor in the "couple"...I am at an age where all people want to be in couple make their life get children and life goes on. Mine didn't take this path. I ever runned after my twin brother. He was probably not strong enough to survive with me. Now I am in search of him by having "special" male friends. I mean I don't have so much male friends but indeed skilled one. I have called him Hugo without hesitation and that means intelligent. I want to remember this tiny cell as intelligent.

I have to mourn my brother Hugo. But I have first to prepare things...I have made this to let a trace it is in my mother tongue french. It is like an ID card to symbolize his person to help me to recover.
I have also use the celtic trisquel symbole (as my familly got root in Bretagne 'small britain' to symbolize the relations that I could have with my brothers (indeed I have a "small" younger brother)

I am on my way to heal I am really on my way to be better

Extract your own self

Writing to heal =>the way to see writing in a different way

How many times did you thought your writing wasn't the best way to solve matters.
It solve some indeed.
You are fighting pushing aside these emotions strenghten your own will to do things aright.
You spend time because you let you safe like this.

You want to do things and you will you feel stronger when all is written
Explored read acknowledge by others.
By the way you don't care about what they said.

You are a solace the furnace of that self
That stay far from all what they saw.
When they saw it they were afraid.
You felt unsecure and wrote furiously to let this anger.

You wanted to say them I was ever so
But you couldn't have seen this as I am afraid of myself to tell you my truth.

I am who I am I can't erase all what I am
And I assume that you said me in despair.

Then you add: I will show them that I am strong
I survive death once I can do it several time now
I am ready.

You have got to tell them even if they can't understand
You extract your own self and their understanding will be so different
After all your strenght let you be with them
And your proudness will let them know how they were wrong.

Far from you

Far from you
But near at the same time
You hope I can recover
I know my dear
How you feel sorry to not help me
But you really can't
I know it is hard to see a friend drifted

I am like a boat that fight against the waves
I try to keep my head up
But you know yourself the way can be long
Pardon me if I prefer to be far from you

You said to me that I need support
But I know none is able to do so

I have to tell them
But how?

I realize that my mask hide who I am really
I realize that I am a double person

Maybe that is why at that moment
I hide

To my dearest friend P.J
 

What will come after?

Not in mood to tell
Not easy to say
When angriness is inside you

You want to let it go
But it is back with more power each day

You feel it is unfair
You feel it is harder than before

You cry alone
You smile in a crowd

Your heart is split in two
Your mind support it too

You want to let go
And at the same time you feel empty

What will come after ?
What will come after?

Thoughts

Brocken Glass -SIA

Pages and Pages

Never can replace a good friend nearby

Pages and Pages  

Can't soften totally a brocken heart

No words No deeds

Could replace prayers 

No shedded tears had more importance

To these which lead to optimistic way

The life can be picky 

But you are the soldier 

The owner of your own destiny