QUestioning

I want too write in french maybe because it is my mother tongue.
Maybe I can find the fine words I don't use in English.
My mind is messy nothing can remedy.
I have lost my hope and smile for a while to give you these lines.
Maybe you won't understand what I say here.
Maybe you won't feel the same as me.

Some of my friends fullfill their dreams while I forget mine.
The depth of my sorrows can't be describe by this lines.
If I find the way to tell you will you hear me?
Will you understand me without judgment?

I build up a dick wall behind me a retreat where I can live alone.
I build up this to protect you from my pain.
I sometime think it is better to hide that death can be the better way
To say I can't no more.
But is that so? Do you understand me?

I am in a turmoil a thunderstorm.
I am feeling not at the right place.
I am not my real self.
I am the dangerous one to me.

Maybe you didn't imagine that.
But each people have a bad side!