Outside vs inside

I observe myself behaving with others and I realize that I found back my old self me!
The darker part of myself take place back ! Not useful to fight against.

I ever said to my friends what I say or do isn't ever reflecting my deep personality. Someone think that if I can't tell that I am bad so I lie. He can be my little brother and he didn't have bad time at all in his life.

Those who have experienced a half way to death can understand myself! I obey to my instinct and that is why I protect my friend of what I think and feel. The most bad things is that I can't feel deeper joy when good things happen to my friend...I hate that but I don't know how to make in a different way. It is unusual...I feel weird...maybe I s...k?

So otherwise I feel creepy sleeping so badly have no envy to share with the people I love the most! I only want to cry! I deny the fact that i have to go one More time to See my doctor...but what for? Only hearing that I am in a Bad Situation and that I am Stressed and depressed -.- !

My life is messy I See nothing new arriving and I realize ....that I have to change something...but what? I don't know !

Calling after teens time?!

People who can be 40 tell that they want to remember to their teen time. I personally prefer thinking about my early twenties...in the upcoming years I will turn 30.

1. First of all because my teen time wasn't a bed of roses
2. Then because I learned since then and travel a lot

As teen I wasn't good enough to make good experiences like now. I was so fragile! In a way I only can say that I ever care about my friends since then. I am nor hypersensitive and I assume that like some other kind of defects!

At that time I feel like my teen of 10 years ago...discourage and calling for help but I have wonderful friends who give a hear and give one hand too!
I have the wish to be useful to someone where I live! ( ie the froggys land!)

I long after a new trip...it is hard to see everyone around me going abroad! I wish to make new projects...but...I will see!

As I read on pinterest: "I have no resolutions for the coming year, but projects!"