Thoughts

Nothing else to do just let the life lead you where there are opportunities. Keep smiling stop dreaming let the routine surround you. Taking time to reflect to accept the reality as it is. Turn your back to the things you loved even that means to get a strong reliance. Not fight anymore, nothing else, no play, no dreams, nothing...

Only you walking on the borders river of the Loire in a kind of smog...smog in our mind and the feelings you have no will anymore. You have called ...maybe in the desert ....because you have no perspectives. You try to turn up the light...is that what you want dear me? Is thtat what you really want? All is messed up now...hard to get self reliance...maybe you reader can understand what I mean...or?

Now my body say yes you get reliance to such things....only by getting tears. God create it to help us to express what we can't express with words. I only fight against depression it is probably depression I think we have in life almost once that feelings deep feelings to get no values in some situations...I can't tell you why maybe because I feel me so disgusting and search solutions which aren't in reality...even I am courageous sometimes I feel life hope from me too much as I can give...in time strengh ...

Maybe you think reading me...that I am crazy to think so but facing the reality its is too hard without help...real help maybe the only one who can help me is up invisible and observe me suffering...and always answer me..!! So he will...doing it for sure....only  to that I can believe getting faith....

I only play a master piece

I feel dying inside
Outside i try To shine
I weep silently
I haven't enough strengh to fight

I play a great peace
Where all is fake
I am only small weak and not self confident

My feelings are so deep that I can't eat
Behind my smile and jokes aren't the real me
Deeply sad maybe depressive
Full of dark kohl on my eyes
I am turning back to my teens age
Where I was shut and tormented
Only on black clothes...
Romantic piece which come back ten year later

Fucking me my real fucking me is back ow god fuck!!

Hoping better

(This german postcard say in love and dreams nothing impossible... :-) )

Dancing alone
A red wine glass nearby
Remembering the past
When I loved you

I miss that heart bit
My short breath
The desire to see you

The bossa lead me
In the soft clouds of love
That let me hope
To find the only one who can replace you

My life with will be colored in red
My sky will be blue
The life will be different as dark
And I am sure to get smile

Travellers never fear

Travelers never fear

But I do

I fear to loose someone
To loose a friend
To loose someone I love

I love to discover things
Lands regions
But in fond of me
My inner voice isn't quiete

The last time I went abroad
Someone where dying
I just gathered all my courage
To fulfill my dream

Life isn't fair

Now I feel not confident at all
Doubts invade me
Am I a good grand daughter
Could she be proud of me?

I miss their care and tenderness
They were my roots
My support
Now I feel alone


I am a traveler
Who fear!

I wait and wait;
Where are you my soulmate
Where are your comfort when I cry
I wish I can find you there
But I am not sure
Only god know who you are
And where you live
What is your language

I just feel wandering
On my way
My heart feel free
And alone

I have faith to find you
And people tell me love can be hard
But I just wanna try

....

I want to stop time
And getting tears
I can't come back there
My wounds are not heal
I remember too much
And I can't forget when you told me
I was pretty while you were dying
I left you saying to mum
That I would grabe you during my trip
All was becoming true
And the shock was deeper
Nor now I can feel the real pain of your loss
The crazy and harsh feeling I want to be with you
Dead in a peaceful place with grandad
To remember how I felt crazy in my return home
How I was angry and devastated
How I was was aggressive
How I have express my bidding feelings
Like a volcano
like Jekill and mister Hide

I won't joke like this anymore
I swear you

Walking along a  beach

Taking a deep breath;

Get a smile 

All negative things are away

I feel free